I’ve never been taught so much by someone who said not a single word.

Joshua is 17 months old and has been a part of our family here in St. Louis for 11 weeks, and I have such a pain in my heart.

I’m not talking of the pain in the foster parents’ eyes when they said goodbye, not the pain of sleeping on the floor with him, not the pain in my wife’s eyes when we look at each other and wonder how to understand and take care of a scared little boy, not the pain in his eyes when he looked around and saw nothing familiar.

No, those pains are fading. But this pain is still there.

You see, here was this little boy that was so scared, lonely and exhausted. I was doing everything I could to protect, care for, comfort and love him. He rejected it all. He couldn’t see it. He couldn’t see that my wife and I were it. We were his earthly protectors, caregivers, comforters and parents from now on. No matter what I did, he rejected.

Honestly, I didn’t take rejection well. But then it hit me like a brick. I am like Joshua to my adopted heavenly Father. I get scared, lonely and exhausted, and I reject His protection, care, comfort and love. I’m His adopted son and I run away from the One, the only One, who is my father from now on.

But then came an even bigger brick. I realized that I am so far from being like my adopted Father when it came to my attitude to my adopted son. God has always loved me. Even before I acknowledged Him, even when I run from Him, even when I reject His love. God’s love for me is perfect, steadfast and never-ending.

So my pain and my relationship with my adopted son is a reminder of my God and His adoption of me. A boy that I choose to love, not because he is perfect, not because of his infectious grin, not because he is always lovable. I choose to love him because he’s my son forever.

Thank you, Joshua for teaching me so much about our heavenly Father. I pray that someday you too can experience a different kind of adoption with me.

Alan Haigood and his wife, Jill, have three sons, Micah, Nathanael, and Caleb, by birth, and adopted their youngest son Joshua through Dillon International’s Korea program. He wrote these reflections shortly after Joshua’s arrival home in July 2010.

Prayer Requests:
-God, help us to see others as you see us.
-God, thank you for your grace and love in adopting us as your sons and daughters.

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If you are interested in submitting a devotional for Buckner Faith Focus, please e-mail lhollon@buckner.org.

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